I’LL TRADE YOU – A SIX-PACK FOR SUPER BOWL
Hi. I am… The Nagging Spouse
It’s somewhat of a misnomer because, personally, I see myself more as a helper, a reminder, an encourager, a guide. But apparently some people find my constant guidance annoying. Weird.
Let me start somewhere else.
This is my husband, Troy. He’s my hero, my best friend, my comedic relief. He makes my life fun. And that’s because he’s fun. A little snarky. A little playful. A little stubborn.
He needs to live a long time because we have big plans with our senior years. Simple things like globe-trotting and spelunking in Borneo.
So I might nag him a smiiiiiidge to cut down the alcohol intake, swap the occasional bag of potato chips for carrot sticks and up the cardio. His blood pressure is high, his cholesterol too. And his liver, well, I can only imagine. These things are not fitting into my marriage story.
Oh and he’s a partier. That’s how we fell in love, being party buddies. Fortunately, (or unfortunately) one of us grew up. Guess who? That’s right. This girl right here – The Nagging Spouse.
When I got pregnant last year, he vowed to stay on the proverbial “wagon” with me.
Yeah, I know you love mimosas. All IS right with the world when you are champagne brunching with friends. But we made a deal, remember?
That lasted about two weeks. Then my supportive husband enacted the only solidarity I got in my pregnancy… Operation Baby Belly.
We gained baby-weight together. I could have used a nagging spouse to keep me from grabbing that third snack pudding or hiding skittles in my nightstand. But when it comes to nagging spouses, there can be only one.
Our baby boy, Noah, was born at 9 lbs. 8 oz (those extra puddings). Over the next 3-4 months, my baby weight came off; but my husband’s baby belly is still there, stubbornly constructed of potato chips, philly cheesesteaks and Sculpin IPA.
Troy is about to be 50. 5-0! And we have a new baby. His lifestyle has him always exhausted and this kid isn’t even crawling yet! I envisioned him coaching soccer, leading a boy scout troop, taking karate. Ya know, easy stuff. 😉
Over the years, I’ve tried all forms of nagging and incentive. And he’s tried the gamut of diets from gluten free to vegan. As the nagging (helpful) spouse, I cooked him vegan lentil soups and chicken lettuce wraps.
When he quit, though, it was as if God dropped manna from heaven. He came home from CVS (let’s face it, the desperation of grocery stores) with peanut m&ms, Pringles and six-packs of wine, which flowed like water.
Typical conversations went like this:
The Nagging Spouse – “This has to stop. You don’t take care of yourself.”
Troy – “What do you mean? Wine is good for you.” (hiccup) “Reservatrol. I read all about it today. Makes you live longer.” (holds up glass with a smug smile)
TNS – “I read that study. It said not to have more than one.”
Troy – “Oh please. I haven’t even finished the first bottle yet.” (Swigs triumphantly holding pinkie finger aloft in defiance) “Ok. Now I have.”
I just want him to be healthy. Is that so much to ask? Cut down the TV a little, choose a salad over fish and chips, drink less than daily. Ya know, easy stuff. 😉 And because I feel like he’s an extension of me, my other half, I have a vested interest in his condition.
Not only that, but because we eat, drink, travel and play as a team, its doubly hard to keep my own habits in check when he’s not only fallen off the wagon, but rolling into a ditch with me in tow.
So, fully aware of the uphill battle of getting a man to do anything he is not motivated to do, The Nagging Spouse decided to make it fun. I made him a deal.
If Troy loses his gut in 90 days, I will take him to Super Bowl 2017. Easy stuff. 😉 I’m not much of a football fan. (As a nerdy teenager with nerdy friends, I’m the kind that cowers when a football is thrown at me. It’s embarrassing.) So… this is a “selfless” sacrifice on my part!
Now, because he is a man (and SUPER BOWL is not reward enough????), and because lower cholesterol and a fully functional liver are not very sexy rewards, we took this challenge a step further. He has to have six-pack abs for the first time in his life to get the prize.
So those are the terms…
Over the next 90 days, we’re going to do a little experiment. I’m going to film, blog, snapchat, record, photograph and annoy him. Then I’m going to post it here where everyone can follow/encourage/cajole/laugh at and with him.
Because being accountable to The Nagging Spouse is one thing (and he’s obviously impervious to my “guidance”), but being accountable to the Internet is another. And if Troy is one thing, he’s competitive! The more interaction from you (ahem… pressure), the better!
Here’s how to follow/encourage/cajole/laugh at and with him:
Follow/like/repost our blog at www.TheNaggingSpouse.com
Let’s do this!