“You’ll like this,” she said. (Troy’s First Butt-Kicking workout)

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I got the mental play-by-play from Troy in the car right after.

1st minute – It’s only a 40 minute work out, I can do this.

4th minute – I’m the only dude here besides the two instructors, and they’re ripped!

7th minute – Holy crap, this is tough. And there’s still 33 minutes to go!

10th minute – (self talk) Can’t – show – weakness. You can do this Troy.

13th minute – (more self talk) There’s no way I’m finishing. Get ready to hang your head low in front of all this fit ladies.

15th minute – I think I am going to puke.

16th – 38th minute – Nauseated, sweaty blur interrupted by the occasional break to bring the heart rate from the verge of explosion back down to max rate.

39th minute – Oh thank you Jesus, I can do stretches and drink the coconut water like the best of them.

Instructors – “Good job Troy” (LIARS!!) “See you next week.”

Troy – “Thanks” (But I doubt it)

#hardestworkoutever

 

Post workout face. Mr. ūüĆ쬆“You’ll like this,” she said.

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A Six-Pack in 90 Days – THE GAME PLAN

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1! 2! 3! GO!

As Troy is fond of reminding¬†me, he already has a six-pack. It’s just lovingly protected by a thick layer of hard-earned beer belly. Enact: Operation Beer Belly.

game-plan1GAME DAY PLAN –¬†1800-2200 calories a day of…

High fat РBut good fat, the kind that burns fat. Avocados, coconut oil, butter; they make everything so much yummier!

Low carb РThat not only means no sugar, minimal fruit but no gluten. That means ZERO pasta, pizza, or french bread for this fun-loving Italian boy (and therefore withdrawals).

No Dairy – Since cheese is the milk-and-honey of my life, I can’t imagine this. Kudos to you, Troy.

High protein –¬†Meat, nuts, eggs, more eggs and you guessed it…. eggs.giphy

High Veggies – With cruel emphasis on extra good stuff like swiss chard, kale and butternut squash. Troy’s favorites. (Heeheehee) Sorry not sorry.

Splurge day – Following Tim Ferriss‘s school of thought on this one. (Troy’s a fan) In the Four Hour Body, Ferriss purports that a splurge is not only good for psyche, it prevents your metabolic rate from dropping. Other sources show leptin levels drop with calorie restriction. I know this because… well… because Troy researched¬†it to back up his position.¬†So for 24 hours each week, Troy plans to¬†PIG¬†out. The theory goes like this…

Troy’s Body: “I’m¬†soooo hungry! Wasting away! Must preserve¬†fat to save¬†body from certain destruction.”

Troy: “Sorry about that. Here’s some ravioli/cheeseburger/ burrito/meatball sub/philly cheesesteak. See? ¬†No need to worry. Now… there you go… let go of the love handle. Nice and easy.”

While The Nagging Spouse naysayed this element of the plan because it seemed counter-productive, I knew I was facing certain anarchy if Troy couldn’t drink wine and eat Taco-flavored Doritos (and then more wine) every now and then.¬†Also, Troy is the hangriest person I know, so 6 out of 7 days¬†will be no joyride for either of us.¬†Alas, the seventh day.

kickoff-clipart-kickoffTHE KICKOFF – We are starting with a baseline. With some basic¬†blood work and tests of strength and endurance, we’ll know the work he has cut out for him(us). I’ll keep you posted.

 

football-clip-art-freeEXECUTION

5 x 10 pushups every day

Walk 10,000 steps every day

As many pull-ups as he can do at a time

Strength Training 3-5 times a week with friend/personal trainer

Basic nagging from the spouse to ride bikes, swim with kids, house repair, soccer with daughter, etc, etc. It all counts, people!

THE EXTRA POINT –¬†Just because Troy overdoes EVERYTHING, he has a few add-ons:

Apple Cider Vinegar – I believe in gut flora but¬†since I can’t seem to convert him to my homemade Kombucha, he has opted to shoot Apple Cider Vinegar. (How insulting, right?) Shooting Apple Cider Vinegar is a form of self-inflicted torture. But I’m going to film it so we can enjoy his “un-enjoyment”¬†it together. ūüėĀ

Vitamins РThis part of the plan was mostly Troy. He chose supplements from The Grain Brain. They are basics like vitamin D, DHA, Turmeric, Resveratrol, Alpha Lipoid Acid and a probiotic. No silver bullets. Sorry Troy. #NoShortcutsToHealth

TOUCHDOWN!touchdown-2

Troy’s Goals ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬†

Six-Pack Abs

To run a 5k in under 30 minutes

More cardio stamina

50 pushups (in a single set)

10 pull-ups (in a single set)

The Nagging Spouse’s Goals¬†

A fit husband who has…

Tons of energy

A healthy cholesterol level

Normal blood pressure

Functioning liver (despite years of pickling)

Six-Pack Abs and chiseled torso (See how I listed this last to imply selflessness?)

42! 63! 91! HIKE!