“You’ll like this,” she said. (Troy’s First Butt-Kicking workout)

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I got the mental play-by-play from Troy in the car right after.

1st minute – It’s only a 40 minute work out, I can do this.

4th minute – I’m the only dude here besides the two instructors, and they’re ripped!

7th minute – Holy crap, this is tough. And there’s still 33 minutes to go!

10th minute – (self talk) Can’t – show – weakness. You can do this Troy.

13th minute – (more self talk) There’s no way I’m finishing. Get ready to hang your head low in front of all this fit ladies.

15th minute – I think I am going to puke.

16th – 38th minute – Nauseated, sweaty blur interrupted by the occasional break to bring the heart rate from the verge of explosion back down to max rate.

39th minute – Oh thank you Jesus, I can do stretches and drink the coconut water like the best of them.

Instructors – “Good job Troy” (LIARS!!) “See you next week.”

Troy – “Thanks” (But I doubt it)

#hardestworkoutever

 

Post workout face. Mr. ūüĆ쬆“You’ll like this,” she said.

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A Six-Pack in 90 Days – THE GAME PLAN

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1! 2! 3! GO!

As Troy is fond of reminding¬†me, he already has a six-pack. It’s just lovingly protected by a thick layer of hard-earned beer belly. Enact: Operation Beer Belly.

game-plan1GAME DAY PLAN –¬†1800-2200 calories a day of…

High fat РBut good fat, the kind that burns fat. Avocados, coconut oil, butter; they make everything so much yummier!

Low carb РThat not only means no sugar, minimal fruit but no gluten. That means ZERO pasta, pizza, or french bread for this fun-loving Italian boy (and therefore withdrawals).

No Dairy – Since cheese is the milk-and-honey of my life, I can’t imagine this. Kudos to you, Troy.

High protein –¬†Meat, nuts, eggs, more eggs and you guessed it…. eggs.giphy

High Veggies – With cruel emphasis on extra good stuff like swiss chard, kale and butternut squash. Troy’s favorites. (Heeheehee) Sorry not sorry.

Splurge day – Following Tim Ferriss‘s school of thought on this one. (Troy’s a fan) In the Four Hour Body, Ferriss purports that a splurge is not only good for psyche, it prevents your metabolic rate from dropping. Other sources show leptin levels drop with calorie restriction. I know this because… well… because Troy researched¬†it to back up his position.¬†So for 24 hours each week, Troy plans to¬†PIG¬†out. The theory goes like this…

Troy’s Body: “I’m¬†soooo hungry! Wasting away! Must preserve¬†fat to save¬†body from certain destruction.”

Troy: “Sorry about that. Here’s some ravioli/cheeseburger/ burrito/meatball sub/philly cheesesteak. See? ¬†No need to worry. Now… there you go… let go of the love handle. Nice and easy.”

While The Nagging Spouse naysayed this element of the plan because it seemed counter-productive, I knew I was facing certain anarchy if Troy couldn’t drink wine and eat Taco-flavored Doritos (and then more wine) every now and then.¬†Also, Troy is the hangriest person I know, so 6 out of 7 days¬†will be no joyride for either of us.¬†Alas, the seventh day.

kickoff-clipart-kickoffTHE KICKOFF – We are starting with a baseline. With some basic¬†blood work and tests of strength and endurance, we’ll know the work he has cut out for him(us). I’ll keep you posted.

 

football-clip-art-freeEXECUTION

5 x 10 pushups every day

Walk 10,000 steps every day

As many pull-ups as he can do at a time

Strength Training 3-5 times a week with friend/personal trainer

Basic nagging from the spouse to ride bikes, swim with kids, house repair, soccer with daughter, etc, etc. It all counts, people!

THE EXTRA POINT –¬†Just because Troy overdoes EVERYTHING, he has a few add-ons:

Apple Cider Vinegar – I believe in gut flora but¬†since I can’t seem to convert him to my homemade Kombucha, he has opted to shoot Apple Cider Vinegar. (How insulting, right?) Shooting Apple Cider Vinegar is a form of self-inflicted torture. But I’m going to film it so we can enjoy his “un-enjoyment”¬†it together. ūüėĀ

Vitamins РThis part of the plan was mostly Troy. He chose supplements from The Grain Brain. They are basics like vitamin D, DHA, Turmeric, Resveratrol, Alpha Lipoid Acid and a probiotic. No silver bullets. Sorry Troy. #NoShortcutsToHealth

TOUCHDOWN!touchdown-2

Troy’s Goals ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬†

Six-Pack Abs

To run a 5k in under 30 minutes

More cardio stamina

50 pushups (in a single set)

10 pull-ups (in a single set)

The Nagging Spouse’s Goals¬†

A fit husband who has…

Tons of energy

A healthy cholesterol level

Normal blood pressure

Functioning liver (despite years of pickling)

Six-Pack Abs and chiseled torso (See how I listed this last to imply selflessness?)

42! 63! 91! HIKE!

 

The Nagging Spouse Resorts to Bribery

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I’LL TRADE YOU – A SIX-PACK FOR SUPER BOWL

Hi. I am… The Nagging Spouse

It’s somewhat of a misnomer because, personally, I see myself more as a helper, a reminder, an encourager, a guide. But apparently some people find my constant guidance¬†annoying. Weird.

Let me start somewhere else.

img_3757This is my husband, Troy. He’s my hero, my best friend, my comedic relief. He makes my life fun. And that’s because he’s fun. A little snarky. A little playful. A little stubborn.

He needs to live a long time because we have big plans with our senior years. Simple things like globe-trotting and spelunking in Borneo.

So I might nag him a smiiiiiidge to cut down the alcohol intake, swap the occasional bag of potato chips for carrot sticks and up the cardio. His blood pressure is high, his cholesterol too. And his liver, well, I can only imagine. These things are not fitting into my marriage story. Continue reading