Apple Cider Vinegar – Good For A Gag

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Just watching, I can feel the gag coming on. Have you ever puckered when you think about someone slurping on a lemon? (See?) I can feel the goose bumps and the subsequent total-body shiver. It’s all so visceral; it could be my experience as much as his. Well, not really, because… ūüėĚ

I enjoy this morning ritual of Troy shooting apple cider vinegar for a few¬†reasons. Firstly, I know its good for him and, being the extension of myself we’ve previously discussed, I feel healthier¬†when¬†he does something good for himself. It’s an interesting paradox.

And secondly, because this man can be a machine! I mean, really? There are lots of ways to get apple cider vinegar into your gut but Troy chooses the most direct way. Straight. Down. The. Hatch. Well done, sir. Well done.

Also, it’s kinda funny.

So, why the torture? It’s not the cinnamon challenge, after all.

By now, you’ve heard that apple cider vinegar is good for you. It’s a supposed panacea for everything from warts to diabetes. I’ll spare you the list because it’s extensive…


The main reason Troy is taking it is for¬†the “gut flora”. With a name like “gut flora”, you’re likely already impressed. Sometimes I say it just for fun.

At birth, our digestive systems had the most magical, delicate cocktail of bacteria. Charming, right? Antibiotics, poor lifestyle choices, and a gazillion other delicious things created a microbial imbalance and this imbalance is to blame for, well, a lot. So we use probiotics to go about setting it right again. Proper gut flora staves off junk food¬†cravings and aids in detoxification. It balances pH and hormone levels. It cures acne and dandruff. No joke. (PS Troy doesn’t have acne or dandruff but if he did… ACV!) Probiotics! Yogurt for the faint of heart, Kombucha for the dabblers and apple cider vinegar for the dedicated.

The Internet is full of helpful dissertations on Apple Cider Vinegar and why it’s the single thing you should have on a desert island so I won’t turn this into a lecture. But get right with your gut flora and your body is more likely to get right with you.

Hence the morning shot of agony. (Maybe I enjoy this just a little too muchūüėā. Nah.)

My homemade Kombucha wouldn’t be so bad now, eh?

“You’ll like this,” she said. (Troy’s First Butt-Kicking workout)

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I got the mental play-by-play from Troy in the car right after.

1st minute – It’s only a 40 minute work out, I can do this.

4th minute – I’m the only dude here besides the two instructors, and they’re ripped!

7th minute – Holy crap, this is tough. And there’s still 33 minutes to go!

10th minute – (self talk) Can’t – show – weakness. You can do this Troy.

13th minute – (more self talk) There’s no way I’m finishing. Get ready to hang your head low in front of all this fit ladies.

15th minute – I think I am going to puke.

16th – 38th minute – Nauseated, sweaty blur interrupted by the occasional break to bring the heart rate from the verge of explosion back down to max rate.

39th minute – Oh thank you Jesus, I can do stretches and drink the coconut water like the best of them.

Instructors – “Good job Troy” (LIARS!!) “See you next week.”

Troy – “Thanks” (But I doubt it)

#hardestworkoutever

 

Post workout face. Mr. ūüĆ쬆“You’ll like this,” she said.

A Six-Pack in 90 Days – THE GAME PLAN

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1! 2! 3! GO!

As Troy is fond of reminding¬†me, he already has a six-pack. It’s just lovingly protected by a thick layer of hard-earned beer belly. Enact: Operation Beer Belly.

game-plan1GAME DAY PLAN –¬†1800-2200 calories a day of…

High fat РBut good fat, the kind that burns fat. Avocados, coconut oil, butter; they make everything so much yummier!

Low carb РThat not only means no sugar, minimal fruit but no gluten. That means ZERO pasta, pizza, or french bread for this fun-loving Italian boy (and therefore withdrawals).

No Dairy – Since cheese is the milk-and-honey of my life, I can’t imagine this. Kudos to you, Troy.

High protein –¬†Meat, nuts, eggs, more eggs and you guessed it…. eggs.giphy

High Veggies – With cruel emphasis on extra good stuff like swiss chard, kale and butternut squash. Troy’s favorites. (Heeheehee) Sorry not sorry.

Splurge day – Following Tim Ferriss‘s school of thought on this one. (Troy’s a fan) In the Four Hour Body, Ferriss purports that a splurge is not only good for psyche, it prevents your metabolic rate from dropping. Other sources show leptin levels drop with calorie restriction. I know this because… well… because Troy researched¬†it to back up his position.¬†So for 24 hours each week, Troy plans to¬†PIG¬†out. The theory goes like this…

Troy’s Body: “I’m¬†soooo hungry! Wasting away! Must preserve¬†fat to save¬†body from certain destruction.”

Troy: “Sorry about that. Here’s some ravioli/cheeseburger/ burrito/meatball sub/philly cheesesteak. See? ¬†No need to worry. Now… there you go… let go of the love handle. Nice and easy.”

While The Nagging Spouse naysayed this element of the plan because it seemed counter-productive, I knew I was facing certain anarchy if Troy couldn’t drink wine and eat Taco-flavored Doritos (and then more wine) every now and then.¬†Also, Troy is the hangriest person I know, so 6 out of 7 days¬†will be no joyride for either of us.¬†Alas, the seventh day.

kickoff-clipart-kickoffTHE KICKOFF – We are starting with a baseline. With some basic¬†blood work and tests of strength and endurance, we’ll know the work he has cut out for him(us). I’ll keep you posted.

 

football-clip-art-freeEXECUTION

5 x 10 pushups every day

Walk 10,000 steps every day

As many pull-ups as he can do at a time

Strength Training 3-5 times a week with friend/personal trainer

Basic nagging from the spouse to ride bikes, swim with kids, house repair, soccer with daughter, etc, etc. It all counts, people!

THE EXTRA POINT –¬†Just because Troy overdoes EVERYTHING, he has a few add-ons:

Apple Cider Vinegar – I believe in gut flora but¬†since I can’t seem to convert him to my homemade Kombucha, he has opted to shoot Apple Cider Vinegar. (How insulting, right?) Shooting Apple Cider Vinegar is a form of self-inflicted torture. But I’m going to film it so we can enjoy his “un-enjoyment”¬†it together. ūüėĀ

Vitamins РThis part of the plan was mostly Troy. He chose supplements from The Grain Brain. They are basics like vitamin D, DHA, Turmeric, Resveratrol, Alpha Lipoid Acid and a probiotic. No silver bullets. Sorry Troy. #NoShortcutsToHealth

TOUCHDOWN!touchdown-2

Troy’s Goals ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬†

Six-Pack Abs

To run a 5k in under 30 minutes

More cardio stamina

50 pushups (in a single set)

10 pull-ups (in a single set)

The Nagging Spouse’s Goals¬†

A fit husband who has…

Tons of energy

A healthy cholesterol level

Normal blood pressure

Functioning liver (despite years of pickling)

Six-Pack Abs and chiseled torso (See how I listed this last to imply selflessness?)

42! 63! 91! HIKE!